I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
