He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
