trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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