Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
