WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize