laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
