so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
