She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
