Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
