SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you told grandpa to call you daddy
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Randomize
