umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize