shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
