I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
