i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize