Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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