there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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