only if we run a train.
done.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize