Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
