i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
