found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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