I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
A bitchslap is in order.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
