i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
