"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
