i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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