I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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