now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize