You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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