I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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