She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
