I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
