barbara walters just said penis...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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