I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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