her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
