i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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