I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
