if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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