She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
