Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
