I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
