All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
