Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
