what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
