I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize