I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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