Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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