Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
someone owes me an orgasm
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
