I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
