I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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