I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
we're so committed to being not committed
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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