No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It's rum buckets o'clock
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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