why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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