I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
