I just saw a hot homeless man
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
my liver is dry heaving
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize