hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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