all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize