Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
