I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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