And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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