how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
