Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
