can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
