so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
if only i could text you this smell
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
