ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
