i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
