when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he puts the penis in happiness.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
