she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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