is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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