Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
