dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
