This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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