do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
