do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize