just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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