theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I think your dad took our porno
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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