He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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