she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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