Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
found the other keg... it's in the tree
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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