Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
